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55 Fiction

“The World’s Shortest Stories” yearly contest

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Ant: The Movie

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An Embarrassment of Riches

(Pre-2000)
Hard to separate fact from fiction in this story of thrash meets the ozone layer.
an excerpt from this contemporary short story …

In a rush to get to a nine o’clock, I take a parking spot that opens up as I come down the street. Ordinarily I pull into a lot, but there aren’t that many to choose from along The Embarcadero and, like I say, in a hurry.

I’m doing a freelance assignment for a weekly entertainment rag, an interview with an aspiring talk show host on the local cable channel. You can’t sink much deeper into the ooze far as I’m concerned.

And nothing annoys me more than learning PBS is considering selling advertisements. Imagine Charlie Rose taking a commercial break: He holds up one finger as if an important thought has just come into his brain with that half-wit stare, the brow wrinkled, his mouth in a wide O. “Hold that thought.”

I bet guests catch on within one minute at the table with him that Rose hasn’t much going on up there. “What are the implications of the, uh,” reading from the TelePrompter, squinting and not quite understanding what it says, “idea. Ideal! I mean ideal trade sanctions when brought into focus. That’s a question.”

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Remember Tom Snyder? Now, there’s someone who really NEEDED a secret identity. Shared Woody Allen’s taste in clothes. Interviews Drew Barrymore, leans over to look down her tank-top, passes on Brooke Shields because she’s an older woman.

Out of the car and lock it, shove keys in pocket looking for change, tape recorder bouncing against my thigh, and come up with a quarter. A fairly tight schedule, have to pick up Mo by one and drive to Marin. Interviewing Art Clokey at two.

This story is 11 pages long, available in PDF format.
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