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55 Fiction

“The World’s Shortest Stories” yearly contest

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Sterling Beer and Jalapenos

(Pre-2000)
Two dot commies drink and eat before riding home with disastrous results the following day.

The person who told this story said the friend who told him refused to allow his name to be used. However, there was no prohibition against using the name another way. That’s why the title opens with that unusual word.

an excerpt from this contemporary short story …

“Work is day jail,” Jason said as he finished pouring amber liquid into his glass. He sat back and eyed the rim to make sure it didn’t spill. He was prepared to sip from the lip if necessary, but the decant was accurate. The brown foam debubbled.

On the bar stool next to him, Billy tilted the last drops of his tenth beer down his throat and slammed the bottle on the wood surface. “Couldn’t agree with you more. But I gotta go pollute the Bay.” He used his knuckles, not the palms of his hands, to boost himself up from his tall seat. Standing was an effort, an almost superhuman feat considering the amount of alcohol he had consumed. He wobbled slightly before capturing the restroom in his mind’s eye and headed toward it leaning at a forward angle like a schooner attacking the wind.

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Two hors d’oeuvres plates full of chicken bones surrounded by drizzled heaps of deep fried crumbs and a half dozen dead soldiers littered the counter in front of where they sat. Jason idly ran the tip of his index finger in a pattern around first one plate and then the other, a figure eight. He accumulated a greasy layer of scum under his nail as he hummed quietly to himself.

“Certainly hope you boys ain’t driving,” the bartender offered from directly opposite. Jason nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Jeeeesus Keerist! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

A seagull squawked as it flew past the bayside pub looking for French fries. In the late Sunday afternoon air the briny odor of the bay wafted through the Ramp’s open loading dock doors.

This story is 4 pages long, available in PDF format.
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  • This story is one of three illustrated in the comic book
    Haight Street Stories, available for only $5, S & H included ($6 outside the U.S.A.).

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